Purple Polkadots

I'm going to post a few entries on "The Things No One Tells You About Pregnancy".  Or maybe no one else gets them!  I find that hard to believe, though, because whenever I rushed to my doctor, sure there was something wrong with me, I was told it was "very common"...so how come no one ever told me???  I think there are a lot of things pregnant women just don't talk about - and we should!  So here are some of the things I discovered that apparently no one else in the world has ever experienced...

Purple Polkadots
This has a few parts...where to begin?  Let's start with personal grooming.  When your belly gets huge, shaving certain areas of your body becomes "challenging".  I got a thorough waxing shortly before my due date, but spent the whole appointment terrified my water would break each time I tensed in pain/anticipation of pain.  But before that, I was "down there", blindly trying to take care of things with a razor, when all of a sudden, my once-white bathroom looked like a murder scene!  Blood everywhere!

My first thought was that something had happened and I was losing the baby.  But after careful consideration (and a lack of any sort of physical symptom other than the excessive bleeding), I decided that was not the case, so I got out my trusty hand mirror to better investigate.  That's when I found the 3 purple polkadots :s  There were 2 on one side of my...lady business...and one on the other, and they were about 2mm in diametre, but slightly raised - and apparently I had hit one while shaving!  Oh no.  I was sure I had an STD that had lay in wait until I was married and pregnant to surface!

I shamefully booked an appointment with my family physician, at which I learned that, no, I did not have an STD (thankfully!), but that I had "surfaced blood vessels" - apparently very common in pregnant women (this has become an incredibly annoying phrase to me), because of all the extra pressure down there - oh, and that they would never go away (less thankful).

Fantastic.  Who needs a vagazzling when you're already permanently accessorized with purple polkadots?