"Sleep When the Baby Sleeps" and other Useless Platitudes

A lot of things suck about mommihood. But not many surpass the suckiness of the newborn period. I will go into more detail in other posts, but I'm way too tired to write much of anything these days, so this must suffice for now. A quick disclaimer before I start my rant: Baby 2 is actually quite a bit easier than Baby 1 was at this age. He's adorable and perfect (Baby 1 was both of those things, too), and a much better sleeper (at least at night). I love him to bits. But newborns still suck the life out of their mommis, and the last thing we want to hear is...

"Sleep when the baby sleeps", "This, too, shall pass", "You'll look back on this and laugh", "They're little for so short a time"...and so on. I call bullsh*t.

What if your baby doesn't sleep?? "This" will only pass if you don't kill it. If I'm laughing, it's because I'm delirious. And if you count the number of days or hours in the number of months I'm talking about, it sure as hell is NOT a short time!!!

If these all-too-familiar phrases don't piss you off, shut up - you're probably the mommi of a good sleeper, or are too far past newbornhood to remember. All of the above are useless platitudes that only serve to enrage the sleep-deprived or otherwise near-insane mommis of the world. They are not helpful.

Here is what's helpful: HELP. This can come in many forms.

1. Babysitting. Take the kid off the mommi's hands for a few hours - even minutes! Hold the baby. You know you want to anyway.

2. Cleaning. Come over and clean something. But don't leave "what" up to the new mommi - the seriously sleep-deprived and clinically insane are notorious for being unable to make decisions. Just pick something, anything, and clean it.

3. Food provision. Cook something and bring it over. If you cannot cook, takeout will do. If that's too expensive, frozen stuff from M and Ms is great. Or ask YOUR mother to cook something and bring THAT. I'm talking about meals for the whole family, but you know what? A single tub of icecream won't be unwelcome either!

4. Commiseration. Misery loves company. Agree with me about how much something sucks. Do not belittle my suckage with a useless platitude or saying something like "I had to do it with [insert greater number of children here]" - that sucks, too, so feel free to bitch about it, but don't brag. Do feel free to one-up me, however: knowing your life sucks worse than mine is helpful - as long as it's true.

5. Throwing money at the problem. Always a good idea. Buy me some help. Like a nanny, a cleaning lady, fulltime daycare for older siblings, booze, etcetera. Oh fine, eff you, no booze, then. Okay, I'm mostly kidding about this whole point. (No, I'm not!)

I know the people who say these things are well-meaning and kind...but sometimes your sunshine and lollipops are just too much! I love you, and am glad to have you in my life, but seriously...right now...save it! :)

I typed this on my Blackberry, in the dark, while breastfeeding, after a very trying day that doesn't seem to want to end. Please be impressed with me. I've had a billion ideas for new blog posts, but a total of 3 seconds to write them in - and I prefer to use those 3 spare seconds for my favourite activity of all-time: sleeping. But I miss my blog, so felt the more-frequent, but shorter and more-pissed-offier post might be better than nothing for months on end. I'll write lots...in a few months...when my child is old enough for sleep training :P

ZzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzZzzzzzzz (I hope!)